ElderCare Answers Chat Transcript 6/7/00

ElderCare Answers
6-7-00 Overcoming Isolation

RichOBoyleHOST> ..

>> bailheid has joined channel #XC.1993632

RichOBoyleHOST> Hello bailheid and welcome to ElderCare Answers

>> JudyO has joined channel #XC.1993632

[bailheid] Hi how are you?

RichOBoyleHOST> Hello JudyO and welcome to ElderCare Answers

RichOBoyleHOST> I am doing well...actually I have my hands full -- two new kittens just arrived :)

[JudyO] thank you

RichOBoyleHOST> how are you both tonight?

[bailheid] I'm fine

RichOBoyleHOST> I hope that Judy returns...sometimes this software is tempermental

RichOBoyleHOST> have you attended the support group like we discussed last week?

[bailheid] they have it every other week hope to make it soon

RichOBoyleHOST> good!

RichOBoyleHOST> tonight's topic is "overcoming Isolation" for both the caregiver and the care recipient

[bailheid] good

[bailheid] Looks like I chase everyone away

RichOBoyleHOST> do you feel that you or your husband are isolated?

RichOBoyleHOST> lol....you said it, not me :)

[bailheid] sometimes all our friends moved to Fla.

[bailheid] we have family here but sometimes you need friends

RichOBoyleHOST> absolutely....there are different kinds of "friends" and connections that we have

RichOBoyleHOST> some, like family, are very deep and you share something very strong...sometimes you can discuss anything with them

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RichOBoyleHOST> Hello Jayess and welcome to ElderCare Answers

[jayess] hi there

[jayess] hi richard

[bailheid] they saw him get this way and I hate to break new ones in

RichOBoyleHOST> Sometimes you can bee isolated even if you are physically around a lot of people

RichOBoyleHOST> What seems to matter the most is the "quality" of the contacts we have...rather than the quantity

[jayess] is there a way to make the print larger?

RichOBoyleHOST> yes there is....

RichOBoyleHOST> I wish I could remember...give me a second.

RichOBoyleHOST> Sadly, when a loved one gets further into dementia, some old "friends" and family find it uncomfortable to come by the house any more

[bailheid] I agree

[jayess] sure

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[jayess] I bumped myself

[jayess] sorry

RichOBoyleHOST> this is when you, caregiver, needs it most

RichOBoyleHOST> Jayess, give me a minute to find the code to increase the font size...

[jayess] ok

RichOBoyleHOST> Jayess who are you caring for?

[jayess] my husband

[jayess] he is now in a nursing facility

RichOBoyleHOST> bailheid is caring for her husband as well

[bailheid] I find most people online are caring for parents

[jayess] my husband was 58 years old when I realized something was wrong

[jayess] yes, I have the same problem

[bailheid] very young

[bailheid] my husband is 70 but has it for many years

[jayess] his sister had it, too

[jayess] she is gone now

[bailheid] no one in the family had it

[jayess] my husband has it for 8 years now

[jayess] his entire family has "disappeared"

RichOBoyleHOST> I am still here...just finding the font codes...

[jayess] how many years has your husband been sick?

[bailheid] my husb is fine most of the time unless he has a errand or something to do and then he loses it

[bailheid] over 5 years

[jayess] and he goes on errands? outside of the house?

[bailheid] we only know for 2 years for sure

RichOBoyleHOST> to increase the font size...type --- *chat fontsize 14 --- make sure you include the asterisk

[jayess] thank you so much

[bailheid] he only goes out alone in the morning then he's mine ALL DAY

RichOBoyleHOST> is that better?

[jayess] yes, much, thank you richard

RichOBoyleHOST> jayess...how are you managing after having "lost your family?"

[jayess] Our son is very attentive and has been most supportive

RichOBoyleHOST> With all that the caregiver has to manage...you also have to be aggressive about staying in touch with people

[jayess] My husband's sister tried to get him to cosign a loan for her while he was still "at large"

RichOBoyleHOST> it seems to me that friends and family drift away out of fear, discomfort or inability/lack of interest in helping

[bailheid] mine is also but we manage fine

[jayess] the trick is to have "supportive" people, my husband's family was anything but that

RichOBoyleHOST> even just having friends or family who visit, help of call every so often is a big help

[bailheid] I think our's will be there but with 3 small children it is also hard for them

RichOBoyleHOST> but still, it seems that one person is the main caregiver

[jayess] I have my husband in a facility right near my home so I can see him whenever I want

[bailheid] does he know you?

RichOBoyleHOST> you are both still very committed to your husbands...are you able to have quality time for yourselves?

[jayess] the major part of his care is mine because even in a nh, I need to keep on eye on things

[jayess] Till now, I didn't care to do much of anything. waited for my son and his family to visit

[bailheid] I have no other life but we do go out together

[jayess] this past sat nite, I invited a widowed neighbor to go out with me to a show

RichOBoyleHOST> I find it interesting that so many CGs have found a sense of community on the internet and through discussion groups

[bailheid] I try to have lunch out and then find something close by to visit

[jayess] it was very sad because it only served to remind me that my husband will never go out with me again

RichOBoyleHOST> If you can find respite care -- someone to sit with your husband -- then you can get out of the house

RichOBoyleHOST> and take time for activities that you enjoy -- walking and meeting with friends

bailheid] most of the time in the house he is his old self, just don't give him something to do because then he changes

[bailheid] he gets very confused

RichOBoyleHOST> How so? does he get frustrated because he can't do it?

[bailheid] no, he just mixes it all up, if you said something to him, he can't repeat it correctly

[bailheid] i have to be there to hear it myself

[jayess] how does he manage when he goes out on errands by himself?

[bailheid] he goes to the gym every day that's all

RichOBoyleHOST> isolation is an issue for both you and your husbands...they need the social interaction too

[bailheid] 5 miles there and 5 miles back, nothing else

[bailheid] I wish

[jayess] how does he get there?

RichOBoyleHOST> If you have other community organizations that you belong to -- religious, neighborhood, ALZ Assn.

RichOBoyleHOST> then you can use those networks together and independently

[bailheid] he drives with no problem but after that I have to drive because he could get lost

[bailheid] will do soon

[bailheid] I have not told him what he has yet

[jayess] he has a right to know

RichOBoyleHOST> Jayess...did you have the opportunity to discuss the diagnosis with your husband?

[bailheid] Jayess did you find it hard telling your husband?

[jayess] I wish I did, but my husband was in total denial and became delusional and paranoid

[jayess] we had a very difficult time with him at that stage

[jayess] his family fought me and my son every step of the way

[bailheid] did he get depressed?

[jayess] yes

[jayess] I need to caution you about the driving

[bailheid] that's what I'm afraid of

[jayess] If your husband has been officially diagnosed and has an accident, you can be held responsible

RichOBoyleHOST> driving is one of the most challenging issues, especially for a man

[jayess] tell me about it

[jayess] after my son disabled his car, he would ride around on his bicycle

RichOBoyleHOST> was that much worse?

RichOBoyleHOST> it can still be dangerous

[jayess] would go to the cigar store at 1AM

[jayess] of course

[jayess] short of chaining him to the bed, I didn't know what to do

RichOBoyleHOST> driving has a lot to do with a man's sense of independence and maturity

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[jayess] hi zu

[zuzu420] hi all

RichOBoyleHOST> Hi zuzu and welcome to ElderCare Answers

[bailheid] hi

RichOBoyleHOST> zuzu ... it has been ages since I have seen you. How are you?

[zuzu420] thanks, and sorry I'm late

RichOBoyleHOST> no problem

[zuzu420] much better, thanks

RichOBoyleHOST> we have been discussing isolation, especially for the CG

[jayess] did your friend make it in?

RichOBoyleHOST> ?

[zuzu420] no she had to go make dinner

[jayess] richard, zuzu and I are IM buddies

RichOBoyleHOST> You use AOL Instant Messenger or ICQ?

[zuzu420] IM

RichOBoyleHOST> bailheid -- you will come to know many other caregivers just like yourself through these chat sessions

[zuzu420] we "met" at the newsgroup

[jayess] I just invited bob in

[zuzu420] bailheid is new to me, so hello there!

RichOBoyleHOST> I encourage you to stay in touch -- this is one of the most powerful benefits of the new technology

[bailheid] hi

RichOBoyleHOST> bailheid came across this site 2 weeks ago...

[jayess] yes, bailhead, come to the AD newsgroup

[bailheid] I find it very good for me

[zuzu420] excellent, I'm glad

RichOBoyleHOST> Both jayess and zuzu are very active in the Alzheimer’s Newsgroup

[jayess] they are my cyberfamily

[bailheid] how can I find it?

[jayess] and zuzu is a special friend

[zuzu420] if it wasn't for the support I've gotten through the net, I wouldn’t have had any for a long time

[jayess] remarq.com

RichOBoyleHOST> You use AOL Instant Messenger or ICQ?

[zuzu420] IM

RichOBoyleHOST> bailheid -- you will come to know many other caregivers just like yourself through these chat sessions

[zuzu420] we "met" at the newsgroup

[jayess] I just invited bob in

[zuzu420] bailheid is new to me, so hello there!

RichOBoyleHOST> I encourage you to stay in touch -- this is one of the most powerful benefits of the new technology

[bailheid] hi

RichOBoyleHOST> bailheid came across this site 2 weeks ago...

[jayess] yes, bailhead, come to the AD newsgroup

[bailheid] I find it very good for me

[zuzu420] excellent, I'm glad

RichOBoyleHOST> Both jayess and zuzu are very active in the Alzheimer’s Newsgroup

[jayess] they are my cyberfamily

[bailheid] how can I find it?

[jayess] and zuzu is a special friend

[zuzu420] if it wasn't for the support I've gotten through the net, I wouldn’t have had any for a long time

[jayess] remarq.com

[jayess] deja.com

RichOBoyleHOST> I have direct access thropugh my ISP -- AT&T

[jayess] you can post at those two places or from your email newsgroups

[bailheid] thanks

[zuzu420] it's a usenet newsgroup, called alt.support.alzheimers

[jayess] it took me forever to figure out how to use my email

RichOBoyleHOST> you can subscribe to the discussions....it is a lot like the ElderCare Forum discussion board: posting questions and responses

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[jayess] hi bob

RichOBoyleHOST> Hi Phydaux and welcome to ElderCare Answers

[zuzu420] hi boB

[Phydaux13] Whats up????

RichOBoyleHOST> phydaux AKA fido AKA Bob

[jayess] good to "see" you

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[zuzu420] hi janet

[jayess] hi janet

RichOBoyleHOST> Hi Janet and welcome to ElderCare Answers

[janet620] Hi everybody

[janet620] Thanks Rich

[jayess] how have you been, bob?

RichOBoyleHOST> tonight's discussion is on Overcoming Isolation for both the caregiver and care recipient

[Phydaux13] I can't use that kind of language in public

[jayess] that bad, eh????

[janet620] The chat rooms sure help

[zuzu420] overcoming isolation is a biggy

[jayess] how's ruth doing?

RichOBoyleHOST> Don't make me have to censor you <G>

[Phydaux13] about the same

[jayess] still wants to go home with you?

[Phydaux13] Just a warning I spent 13 years in the Navy

[zuzu420] are you are cg new to chat rooms for support, janet?

RichOBoyleHOST> Bob...can you brief the rest of us on the situation with Ruth?

[Phydaux13] how much time have you got?

[janet620] II am usually on the candid site on Mondays. I just about forgot today

[zuzu420] I've found many cg's use chat as their main means of support

RichOBoyleHOST> Does anyone have suggestions for our new caregivers on how to stay active socially while still caring intensively?

janet620] My husband with AD is in a NH. And today wants to make sure we don't lose him.

[jayess] my husband is in a nh also

[Phydaux13] Same with my wife

[zuzu420] bailheid, are you an in home caregiver?

[bailheid] ...

[janet620] I began going out to lunch with friends and having a caregiver come in before he was in the NH

RichOBoyleHOST> it is interesting...many of you are caring for spouses rather than parent

[bailheid] yes he is home

[bailheid] which I am happy to find

[zuzu420] is it your husband you care for?

[jayess] There are a whole other set of problems when it is a spouse

[janet620] Also, exercising at the Y became a social group which was great.

RichOBoyleHOST> I am a big fan of exercise, Janet....

[zuzu420] that is really good, janet

RichOBoyleHOST> It is good for the body and the soul...great way to relieve stress. And as you say, to socialize

[zuzu420] exercise and socializing both, very good

[janet620] I just started strength training this week and met some people

[Phydaux13] I try to avoid any activity that involves sweating

[jayess] lol

[jayess] I love talking to bob and zuzu cause they make me laugh

[janet620] I missed him while he was still at home. And now it's worse.

[zuzu420] so everyone here is spouse cg'ing but me, I've got my dad

RichOBoyleHOST> bailheid...is exercise and option for you? you mentioned that your husb goes to the gym

[bailheid] me and Richard Simmons every AM

[bailheid] I do more at home than at the Y

RichOBoyleHOST> good for you! But remember that RSimmons isn't going to talk with you :)

[janet620] Adult Day Health was good and he liked to go most of the time.

[Phydaux13] most of my exercise lately has been fighting this computer

[bailheid] but his music is good

[zuzu420] yeh, bet you were sweating over that, boB

[Phydaux13] still have problems

[zuzu420] is this like dancersize? sounds fun

[janet620] I have had computer problems too this week.

[jayess] so many people have let me down that for the most part, I am happy by myself

[zuzu420] boy, I sure got that way....it was good to find out I wasnt alone in that feeling

RichOBoyleHOST> Can you tell us more about that jayess?

[jayess] well, aside from not hearing from any of my husband's family, I hardly hear from my own

[jayess] I am blessed with a wonderful son, tho

[janet620] ...That's what happened with us too, Jayess

[jayess] seems to be the thing

[zuzu420] me too

RichOBoyleHOST> How can we make sure that doesnt happen in the future for new CGs?

[Phydaux13] sometimes it is better not to hear

[jayess] are you kidding?

[zuzu420] I spent a year wondering if I had a kick me sign stuck to my back or something

[zuzu420] it wasnt till I started meeting other cg's on line till I realized it was as if we all had the plague or something

[janet620] Other people are uncomfortable talking about it.

[zuzu420] yes

[jayess] my own sister, who both my husband and I would have gone to the ends of the earth for, has not spoken to me in years

[zuzu420] I'm sorry it's that way for so many cg's, but it was a HUGE relief to know it wasn't just me

[janet620] I'll bet it was zuzu

[zuzu420] after a year of isolation, I was wondering what was wrong with ME

[jayess] for the longest time now, zuzu, bob and my son have been my social contact

[bailheid] ..

RichOBoyleHOST> earlier I noted that the "quality" of relations is more important than the "quantity"

[zuzu420] bailhead, did you find that your "people" disappeared when you became a caregiver?

[Phydaux13] we have to have someone to compare "poop stories" with

RichOBoyleHOST> How has the Internet helped you to find quality relationships?

[bailheid] I like to talk about other things when I go out.

RichOBoyleHOST> But it is not always poop stories, Bob...I hear and see so much positive support

[bailheid] I live it 24-7 I want to get away from it

[janet620] The List has been the best for me....

[Phydaux13] you have to forgive my warped sense of humor

[jayess] we also have problems with cannibalism!!!

RichOBoyleHOST> Right, bail...you need a release, escape, respite

[Phydaux13] lol

[janet620] lol

RichOBoyleHOST> cannibalism? Splain…

[zuzu420] it was hard to me to forget about "it" on my breaks

[jayess] you start, bob

[zuzu420] when your loved one bites you

[Phydaux13] one day I visited my wife and she bit me on the thumb

RichOBoyleHOST> i volunteered at a nursing home and one lady who spoke no English kept motioning me over

[zuzu420] you cant talk to just anyone about this kind of stuff, cos they cant or dont want to deal with it

RichOBoyleHOST> i wanted to connect with eahc resident even though she spoke no english

RichOBoyleHOST> she grabbed my hand -- she was strong! and put it in her mouth

RichOBoyleHOST> not a kiss...she started to GUM it!

[Phydaux13] and the newsgroup was being driven crazy by an unlicensed "Doctor" so I asked if cannibilism was a symptom of AD

[janet620] You connected all right. LOL

RichOBoyleHOST> I thought she was going to kiss my hand or something...she wanted to EAT it

[zuzu420] really.......lol

[zuzu420] yeh, you never know what to expect

[jayess] I tol d bob if she broke the skin it was cannibilism

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RichOBoyleHOST> Bob...as far as being a licensed MD or professional..I hope that I am just facilitating and not not instructing...I think that you are best positioned to help each other

[jayess] and if not, it ws foreplay

[janet620] wb bailheid

[bailheid] I took a trip

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[janet620] Hi dc

RichOBoyleHOST> Hello DC ...> Welcome to ElderCare Answers

[dc272727] Hi

[Phydaux13] Ruth has been chewing on her tracking bracelet

[zuzu420] hi dc

RichOBoyleHOST> DC... we have been discussing the isolation that CGs face when their loved one has Alz or dementia and family and friends disappear

Phydaux13] she chewed through her id braclet

[jayess] well, Lee bit a nurse and he also was trying to bite me

[Phydaux13] hi dc

[zuzu420] we havent had biting here

[dc272727] Hi, I am listening

[Phydaux13] just wait

[jayess] hi dc

[janet620] No biting here either

[jayess] Lee does it and laughs

[Phydaux13] she bit me again Sunday

[jayess] like its a game

[janet620] Alz Support groups locally have been just great. for me..

[Phydaux13] I told the nuses to be careful

[zuzu420] glad to hear it, janet

[jayess] I don't know where I'd be if not for zuzu and bob and other people at our ng

[jayess] they seem to be the only ones who really understand, besides my son

[dc272727] My mother had a stroke so dementia is her problem, it effected her memory

[Phydaux13] glad to be of some hepl

RichOBoyleHOST> Do you attend chat session, newsgroup or email lists?

[janet620] I will say that the internet was the best support group for me too

[jayess] that's good, janet

RichOBoyleHOST> dc...are you caring for her in your home?

dc272727] yes, she lives with us

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[zuzu420] welcome back, bailheid

RichOBoyleHOST> how are you managing to get respite or maintain your outside lifestyle?

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[janet620] Hi thumpy

RichOBoyleHOST> Hi Thumper...Welcome to ElderCare Answers

[zuzu420] well look who's here.....lol

[jayess] hi thump

[Thumper1] hello janey

[Thumper1] janet...sheesh

[jayess] thumper, don't I know you from somewhere?

Thumper1] janet...sheesh

[jayess] thumper, don't I know you from somewhere?

[Thumper1] probably

[dc272727] sorry, gotta go, thanks for letting me listen in!!!Bye

[janet620] how are you tonight thumpy

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RichOBoyleHOST> come back dsoon DC

[Thumper1] bye dc

[jayess] bye dc

[Thumper1] gosh Rich....I have to share you tonight, huh??? (grin)

[Phydaux13] so when does bambi show up?

[janet620] Right after Bubblehead?

[Thumper1] lol

RichOBoyleHOST> well, thump...we are pretty much having a n open discussion with recurring theme of "Overcoming Isolation" for the CG

[jayess] that's where I know thumper from!

[Phydaux13] sorry I couldn't resist

[Thumper1] zuzu...I never know where I'm going to find you

[jayess] behave yourself, bob

[zuzu420] but they aint sticking to the theme....lol

[janet620] I thought it was great phydaux

[jayess] themes were made to be broken LOL

[zuzu420] yeh, I get around for someone who doesnt go anywhere.......lol

[jayess] right, zu

[Thumper1] I come over here (without the queen's approval) a couple times a month

[janet620] That's where I’ve seen you before zuzu

[jayess] looks like we travel in small circles, burt at least, we travel

RichOBoyleHOST> we don't say a word and no one gets hurt

[zuzu420] well good to see you, thump

[Thumper1] lol....I already warned "her highness" that I would be here

RichOBoyleHOST> it is clear that the internet has become a powerful tool for overcoming CG isolation

[zuzu420] being socially isolated, I go wherever the heck I want.....on the computer, anyway

[bailheid] ,,,

[zuzu420] it's huge, rich

[Thumper1] I used to feel so alone, until I turned this contraption on

zuzu420] the joke around here for ages was keeping all my "friends" in this little black box

[Phydaux13] it is still nice to actually see someone occasionally

[jayess] at first, it was too much to deal with any "outside" people, and with cyberville, I could enter and leave at will

RichOBoyleHOST> LOL

[zuzu420] exactly, jayess

[zuzu420] it's only recently I even felt like dealing with real people

RichOBoyleHOST> Most nights there is a comfortable chat going on with people who you know...or would like to know

[Thumper1] that is true, jayess, there is a certain sense of security in this type of forum

[jayess] I for one am very grateful for it

[zuzu420] I dont know what would have become of me, the net has gotten me through this whole ordeal

[bailheid] I don't think I could cope without it

[zuzu420] for sure, baiheid

[jayess] I have just recently begun to venture out past the supermarket

[Thumper1] same here, and so many of my other friends felt that they were competing with the net

[zuzu420] it takes a while I think, to even want to

[jayess] tomorrow nite, the nh is having a family council meeting

RichOBoyleHOST> jayess...do you regularly attend those meetings?

[Thumper1] but I found that they had no idea what I was going through or dealing with

[zuzu420] I had no "real" friends around to compete, thump.....lol

[jayess] my husband is just here for little over a month and this will be my second meeting

[Thumper1] and many backed away, for they didn't know what to do

[zuzu420] just acquaintances, no one I could talk to about the stuff I’m dealing with

[Thumper1] so I turned to my online friends

[zuzu420] yup

[Thumper1] they understood

RichOBoyleHOST> do many of you attend support group meetings in person? or have you tried and not gotten much from them?

[zuzu420] yes!

[Thumper1] they're in the same boat

[janet620] I get a lot even yet.

[Thumper1] I tried, Rich, but they only meet once a month...real life happens 24/7

RichOBoyleHOST> exactly thump

[janet620] That's true thumper

[zuzu420] a local support group finally started here, but it didnt help much

[jayess] In the beginning, I went to the Alz Assoc meetings

[Phydaux13] I haven't had the time to go to a support group

[zuzu420] yep, once a month

RichOBoyleHOST> do any of you use the online groups from AOL?

[bailheid] ...

RichOBoyleHOST> once a month is not nearly enough

[Thumper1] forums like CANDID are every night

[zuzu420] I couldnt wait a month for support

[Thumper1] and its like coming home to friends

[janet620] I met a neighbor at a support group and we email back and forth every day

[zuzu420] I was like, I'm having a crisis NOW, guys.....lol

[janet620] I'm not on AOL

[Thumper1] exactly, zuzu

[jayess] AOL -- ugh!

[zuzu420] a month........I could have had 50 crises while I waited

[janet620] So true zuzu

[Phydaux13] Zu I remember you did that on the newsgroup once

[jayess] zuzu and I meet most mornings on the Instant message

[Thumper1] I have AOL..never liked their message boards

[zuzu420] exactly, and it worked

[Phydaux13] I belonged to AOL for 20 minutes

[zuzu420] it was a huge help, with people in all time zones you can usually find someone that will help when you need it

[jayess] LOL

RichOBoyleHOST> I was so lucky to connect with candid and bubblehead about 2 years ago

RichOBoyleHOST> you all showed me how powerful these chat rooms can be for social and educational support

[Thumper1] I first met her about 18 months ago

[zuzu420] before I got the puter, I was afraid they would cause people to become more isolated

[Phydaux13] brb tea time, out of moonpies

[zuzu420] and I find that to be the opposite now, cos I've "met" people I never would have

RichOBoyleHOST> so far out top outlets fior CGs are 1. the internet, 2. exercise 3. Alz support groups and 4. coffee with friends

[Thumper1] very true

RichOBoyleHOST> what are some strategies for bringing your family closer despite the frightening nature of the disease?

[janet620] Have to do my chores. See you later.

>> janet620 has left channel #XC.1993632

[Phydaux13] I have my cat

[Thumper1] my family got more distant

[jayess] I have 3 cats

RichOBoyleHOST> or...what are the warning signs that your family is getting distant and how can you prevent it?

[zuzu420] my family bailed

[jayess] I'd rather talk to them than some humans I know

[zuzu420] I got a puppy........lol

RichOBoyleHOST> Tonight we just goit 2 kittens...niow that makes 3 :)

[Phydaux13] my experience with family is the more distant the better

[zuzu420] I had no warning, my mom died and when the relatives found out they couldn’t load the truck up with her stuff, they went away

[jayess] richard, I should have known you were a cat person

[Thumper1] my family just started back-peddling....said that I was the one with medical degree, I got the caregiver job

[jayess] wow

[zuzu420] no warning here, just VAM

[jayess] my sister doesn't even give a reason

[Thumper1] most of my sibs live out of state

[jayess] she says: I should know!

[zuzu420] I guess it was better quick like, after what I've heard from other cg's

[Thumper1] but they only visited 2 times in 6 months.....about a 6 hour drive to here

[jayess] well, we found each other, right zu?

[zuzu420] yup

[Thumper1] lol

[bailheid] with a spouse you know you are the one to be caregiver

RichOBoyleHOST> are any of you planning to attend the CG reumion in Michigan?

[jayess] I was just telling zuzu this morning that when one door closes, two windows open

[Thumper1] and you are stuck with us, zuzu

[Thumper1] Yep

[zuzu420] how else would I be hanging out with woman from long island, a guy in florida, and a bunny in michigan

[Thumper1] I am rooming with Bubblehead and another CG'er by the nick of Nostrofia

[jayess] LMAO

[zuzu420] happily stuck

RichOBoyleHOST> i think in person meeting are so important

RichOBoyleHOST> who is from Long Island? I live on long island

[zuzu420] wouldnt that be a disaster?

[jayess] yeah, but then you got to take a shower and get dressed

[jayess] I am from Massapequa

[zuzu420] exactly........lol

RichOBoyleHOST> Jayess...I am in Islip

[zuzu420] then the smoker/non smoker section would form

[jayess] Hi neighbor!

[Phydaux13] jayess how is hillary doing?

[bailheid] I left Huntington

[Thumper1] lol

[jayess] still living with billary

[Thumper1] LMAO

[zuzu420] everyone would get all divvied up if we saw each other......lol

>> msvt has joined channel #XC.1993632

[Thumper1] zuzu...I went to the CG reunion last year and had a blast

[Thumper1] oh geez...here is msvt

>> Jacquellinne has joined channel #XC.1993632

RichOBoyleHOST> Hello msvt and welcome to ElderCare Answers

RichOBoyleHOST> Hi Jacqueline !

[Thumper1] is anybody in CANDID tonight?

[zuzu420] hi msvt, jacqueline

RichOBoyleHOST> Jacq...did you come with msvt?

[Jacquellinne] Hello!

[jayess] hi there

[Jacquellinne] Yes.

[msvt] There were some of ut there but they all had to leave so thought I come over here and see what was going on

[Jacquellinne] What's going on tonight?

[Thumper1] Hi Jacjue

RichOBoyleHOST> we have been discussing our topic "Overcoming Isolation", especially when the family abandons the CG

[zuzu420] god bless him, he gets back on topic, dont he?

RichOBoyleHOST> And we have all agreed that the Internet NGs and chatrooms are a powerful support network

RichOBoyleHOST> lol

[Jacquellinne] Exactly. That's what happened here.

[Thumper1] he tries, zuzu

[jayess] he is a good moderator

[jayess] we don't fool around here on LI

[Thumper1] but he is also dealing with a bunch of unruly women, so he knows he is beat

RichOBoyleHOST> I like plenty of flexibility...I am more of a moderator and facilitator...most of you have the answers for the newbies

RichOBoyleHOST> ouch

[zuzu420] I can see that ; -

RichOBoyleHOST> phydaux...help me

[Jacquellinne] Do you guys find that this has happened to you?

[Thumper1] oh yes

RichOBoyleHOST> thnx jacq :)

[Jacquellinne] Tell me more.

[Thumper1] rich needs LOTS of help

[zuzu420] rich is cool, dont start.....lol

[msvt] Jaque, are you a Psychiatrist?

[bailheid] ...

[Phydaux13] I will try but I only have 3 living brain cells and one is asleep at the moment

[Thumper1] I am the youngest of 10 kids...only one in the medical profession that has a degree

[Jacquellinne] No, I'm quite frankly, going INSANE!!!!

RichOBoyleHOST> bail...is this overwhelming to you? last week it was just you and me :)

RichOBoyleHOST> jacq...what is on your mind right now?

[msvt] Oh, they always say "tell me more"

[Phydaux13] I already made the trip and it isn't that bad

[bailheid] its good to see others in the same boat

[jayess] most psychiatrists are nuts

[Thumper1] lol

[Phydaux13] what about neuropsycologists?

[jayess] bail, please consider the risk of letting your husband drive

[msvt] They go into that field to self-help

[Thumper1] well guys...I am going to get going....have a great night

[jayess] I say this not to be cruel,

[zuzu420] thats what my psych professor said first day of class

[zuzu420] you too thump

[msvt] nite thump

[zuzu420] good to see you hear

RichOBoyleHOST> goodnigth thumpy

RichOBoyleHOST> thanx for coming by

[zuzu420] lol.....here

[jayess] nite thump

[Phydaux13] take care and say hi to bambi

[Thumper1] nite

>> Thumper1 has left channel #XC.1993632

[zuzu420] I'm with boB, insanity is better

[Jacquellinne] Well, I have a nurse that comes to my home 20 hours per week and tonight I get a call, she can't work for the next two weeks so that means I can't leave my house. i work and I come home. That's it!

RichOBoyleHOST> is she from an agency? do they have to arrange for a replacement?

[Phydaux13] be careful that is what got me in trouble

[zuzu420] yeh, cant you get someone else to cover?

[msvt] .

[zuzu420] brb, funny noise

[jayess] .

[Jacquellinne] Yes, but a new person would not be able to be left alone, my father needs total care. These people would not even be able to give him his medications. then the stress of letting another stranger into my home....

RichOBoyleHOST> thats hard jacq...do you have any flexibility with work?

RichOBoyleHOST> even to have 1 hour per day additional

[bailheid] ...

[msvt] or take family leave that I hear so much about

[Jacquellinne] I'm the manager, I make the schedule, but there are so many responsibilities with my position.

RichOBoyleHOST> has anyone researched that...family leave act?

RichOBoyleHOST> ouch...that is even harder

[zuzu420] not me

[zuzu420] no job, no leave

[Phydaux13] Well Rich I hate to do this but I have to leave you alone with all these women

RichOBoyleHOST> bob...i can hold my own (famous last words?)

[zuzu420] bet he wont complain........lol

[Phydaux13] brain cell no. 2 just passed out

RichOBoyleHOST> thnx for staying bob and come back soon

[jayess] he's going out to get some moonpies!

[Jacquellinne] There's the family medical leave act but it doesn't last forever,

[zuzu420] glad you're back on line, boB

[Phydaux13] I will

[zuzu420] I "didn't get" your test mail...lol

[Phydaux13] me 2

RichOBoyleHOST> can you use the act for a few short periods of time...like this crisis time?

[msvt] I have my own business and there's just hubby and I so it doesn't affect us

[jayess] take care, bob

[jayess] glad your back in business

[Phydaux13] I'll send it again

[msvt] That

[bailheid] Goodnight all, thanks for chatting with me. Seeyou soon

[Jacquellinne] Don't know.

[msvt] s what I understand it's for

RichOBoyleHOST> goodnight bailheid

RichOBoyleHOST> i will email ytou the message about the book

[Phydaux13] ta ta all

[zuzu420] is this room open all the time, rich?

[msvt] nite bail

[jayess] nite bailheid

[zuzu420] nite bail

RichOBoyleHOST> well, the room is technically available 24/7

[msvt] nite phydeaux

RichOBoyleHOST> but I only have a host on wednesday nights

>> Phydaux13 has left channel #XC.1993632

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